Something about the mountains that bring out the best in me. It can be the Green Mountains of Vermont, the White Mountains of New Hampshire, the Catskills of New York or my favorite the Adirondack Mountains of New York. My whole sense of being is up lifted in the mountains. In addition to the mountains it’s the beautiful rivers and lakes that make me feel more alive and healthy.
My life at times feels like I’m floating down a river, or swimming upstream getting no where. Always waiting for that 100 foot waterfall up ahead to suck me over. My constant battle within myself to stay committed to a better life of sobriety.
I’ve spend many, many hours of my life working and researching my recovery. My latest project was to put on paper a honest photographic snapshot of my drinking. Not the glorified version of my drinking that I buy into to justify and minimize why I drink, that version is a lie. I look at this snapshot every morning to try and stop myself from picking up. Hoping to stop myself from buying into the lie before it’s to late and the drink is in my hand. Because at that point their is no turning back, the train has already left the station. It’s like a learned response, the thought comes in my head and I pick up a drink with little thought as to why. Not that I want to drink it’s just what I’ve always done. It’s time to break that cycle for good.
With the nice weather now I’ve been cycling again. This always makes me feel better about myself. I feel very positive about where I am in my recovery program. I have this sixth sense that my life is changing in spite of myself . That my life of battling my demons is coming to an end. Thank God!
The photo above was taken in the Catskill Park of New York.